More Than Enough

I went to a celebration today at an Episcopal church that was welcoming a new Rector. It was such a beautiful day and a beautiful celebration and at these events they always have Communion which gives me such a feeling of joy. It is an occasion for me to remember always that there was a time when I would not have been able to take Communion – and that it is a miracle of God that I am able to now and that I love doing it so much.

I grew up in a family that never went to church, and on the rare occasions when a friend would take me, I never knew what was going on for the most part. My father’s mother, my Nana, would offer to take us to church when we’d visit her. She was Episcopalian and very devout, but even though she always made the offer, no one ever wanted to go with her except for me. I remember those times in church with her as some very beautiful and happy days. She was not a very happy woman, at least when I knew her, but there was something about those days in church that I remember as glowing. Now I know that was the Holy Spirit, but back then whatever it was it just felt good to be with my grandmother there. When it was time for Communion she would always bring me up with her, but she’d explain that I couldn’t take Communion and I never understood why. I thought at the time that it was because it was wine, but now I know that it was because I wasn’t baptized. But by the grace of God I was baptized in 2006 on October 5, seven years ago to the day of today, in a Spanish Pentecostal church on the lower east side that had a pool in the floor underneath the altar. I went in with my clothes on and it was the happiest day of my life at the time. Now when I go up for Communion I smile such a big smile, thinking of my grandmother and how much she must be smiling on me now. The person who gave me the wafer was the Bishop of the Diocese of New York, and I wonder if he wondered why I gave him such a big smile. I’ve met him before and I like and respect him very much, and it was an honor to receive Communion from him. I would have smiled at that all on its own, but the biggest part of my smile was for God because He arranged it that way on this day of all days, the seventh anniversary of my baptism.

Then tonight I had a little movie night with God. A friend of mine – such a generous friend! – gave me access to the whole “The Bible” series in his online account. I hadn’t had time to start watching it, but tonight I did, and I ended up watching four episodes back to back. I don’t own a tv and I haven’t watched tv or gone to a movie in a while, so this was a real treat. I wrote to my friend that there are some things that are missing because they condense stories, and it’s always best to read the real Word of God to get everything that God wants to talk to us about, and I did find an error in one part with the Prophet Samuel – they had him as having corrupt sons but it was Eli the Priest whose sons were corrupt – Samuel was right as rain always and didn’t have any sons that I ever heard about. But artistic license is what it is, and I think they did a great job, and knowing the Bible the way that I do makes watching the stories as they unfold in a movie stronger I think than it would be otherwise because I know all the stories and the Lord has spoken to me through them for more than seven years now. I found myself crying at times – not because things were sad – crying at the call of faith in people’s lives because I know that’s something that I never had before God walked into my life and decided to change everything around.

Faith is a beautiful thing. In Acts 1:7-8, Jesus tells His disciples, “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” I always think about the way I hear from God as being on a need to know basis. He doesn’t tell me everything, just those things I need to know. It can get frustrating sometimes because I want to know everything and especially when I’m waiting on His promises or I’m dealing with some challenges, it would be nice to know just how He’s going to work everything out and when. But He doesn’t play by my rules and He doesn’t have to – if I’m really honest, He didn’t have to save me at all. He could have just left me sitting in the heap of ruin I’d created in my life, miserable, lost and alone and wanting to die. But He didn’t do that, and just as I have no idea why He didn’t just leave me there in my misery, I don’t need to know everything He’s doing, I just need to trust in Him that what He’s doing is going to work out beautifully. That was one of the themes throughout the sections I watched of “The Bible” – all these people over and over kept saying, “Have faith in God.” I don’t need to know anything unless He tells me – all I need to know is who He is and have faith in Him.

I read in a beautiful book called “The Shack” by Wm. Paul Young that one of the characters called God “Papa.” After I read that book I started calling Him Daddy. I never called my own earthly father Daddy, and it wouldn’t have felt comfortable at all. But now I’ll say, "Thank you Daddy for a beautiful baptism birthday, and for how far you’ve brought me already. The rest I’m going to try my hardest to leave in your hands – you know how I can get, so please help me to let go and let you handle things. You’ve done so much for me already, help me to be thankful always for what you have already done, and help me to keep trusting in you." I'll say, "Thank you Daddy, because if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be alive today. I may not understand anything at all, but one thing I do know is that what you've already done is more than enough to be thankful for."

Blessings,

Jannie Susan