Rabboni

When I was on the subway on my way home yesterday, a woman started shoving me while I was standing at the door waiting for the train to stop in the station. I had all of my bags with me that I carry for the work that I do, and it was obvious that I was getting off because I was standing facing the door, not standing in the door facing away from it, but facing it, prepared to get off when the doors opened. She had been sitting somewhere else, and she came up behind me and started shoving me – not leaning on me by accident, but shoving me, trying to push in front of me where there wasn’t any space to push in front of. I turned to her and said, “I’m getting off too,” and she just kept shoving, putting her elbow in front of me and trying to push her way through and push me out of the way. I wasn’t having it, so I said, “There’s no need to shove,” and she, and I’m not exaggerating, she hissed at me through her teeth. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She was well dressed and neat and clean and had her head phones on – I tell you this because she wasn’t someone who looked like they’d be hissing at people and pushing and shoving on the subway. She was dressed like she worked in a decent job somewhere, but she was acting like she lived in a barn.

People never cease to amaze me, though you’d think at this point with all the junk I’ve seen I’d cease to be amazed. I’d never think of shoving somebody, never mind hissing at them – don’t get me wrong – I’m no saint, and I get annoyed at people who walk slowly in front of me while they’re texting, or who meander around so that I can’t pass. I get ticked off if I’m trying to get on or off the subway and there’s someone blocking the doorway or the staircase for one reason or another. But being ticked off and muttering “Move!” or “Get out of the way!” or “Help me God!” which I have to admit that I do is a whole lot different than shoving and hissing at people who are waiting for the train to stop so they can get off. But then again, in God’s eyes and ears it’s probably not that different, so I guess I shouldn’t be so amazed after all.

In Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Luke 6:37-42 has a similar passage, but this is added to it in verses 37-40, “Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. He also told them this parable: ‘Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.”

One of the most beautiful passages of scripture to me is when Jesus has risen on the third day, and Mary Magdalene comes to the grave to anoint him with oil and spices. When she sees that He is not there, we read this in John 20:11-16, “Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying?’ They have taken my Lord away,’ she said, ‘and I don’t know where they have put Him.’ At this she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for? Thinking He was the gardener, she said, ‘Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have put Him, and I will get Him.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’ She turned toward Him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni’ (which means ‘Teacher’).”

There is so much in that passage that I love, and so much that speaks to me when I am in those places of doubt and despair, those times when I am weeping, wondering where God is. It is in those times that He speaks my name, the name He gave me, in a voice that lets me know that He understands while also letting me know that there is no need for tears. “The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.” As I read that now, I think about the ways He teaches me so that I can in turn reach out to someone else in the way that He has reached out to me.

I wonder what would have happened if I had just let that woman get in front of me. Why is it that my ego wouldn’t let her? Why did I have to say anything at all? I could have just stepped back and let her push and shove her way out the door, and I could have even said something kind to her if I’d wanted to say anything at all. Jesus doesn’t want us to be doormats, but He does tell us to give someone your coat if they ask for your shirt, and He does tell us to bless those who curse us. Those directions are given in Luke 6:28 and 6:29, just before He tells us not to judge someone else. Who knows where that woman was going or what had been going on in her day. I can act all holy and righteous, but I know in my own heart, when I’m really honest with myself, that I have been just as bad and worse. If it weren’t for the grace of God over my life and the power of the Holy Spirit, I might be hissing at people too.

It’s important to be honest with myself, because if I’m not, I won’t see the glory of God in my life. There is no reason why He should have bothered to save a wretch like me, but He did, and it’s important to remember that and to be grateful. It’s in that place of not judging someone else, of being honest with myself, that I can be humble enough to receive His grace for yet another day. And God knows I need it, today, tomorrow and all of the days to follow, for the past, the present and the future, grace upon grace upon grace.

Blessings,

Jannie Susan