Blessings

I started working with a new group yesterday, for the nutrition and wellness work that I do. It was the first class of an eight week series, and I didn’t know the group at all except for the Coordinator, who has been a friend since we met at a church health fair almost four years ago. When she asked me if I’d consider coming up to the Bronx to work with her group, she didn’t know if I’d be willing or not. Her group has people in it who are current and former drug users, some in recovery, some not, some with other physical and mental and emotional challenges, some with very rough backgrounds and very tough lives. My friend knows I’m a Christian, and Christians are supposed to be able to reach out with the love of God to anyone, regardless of their background, but not all Christians are able to work with all groups of people. God needs to give an anointing to us to work with different groups, and if He hasn’t given that blessing, we won’t get anywhere.

I remember the first group of men that I worked with at a rehabilitative shelter. They were all former drug users or dealers or had been in prison or lived on the streets. In the work that I do, I work with organizations that have food pantries and soup kitchens, and very often I am working with women or if there are a few men in the groups, they’re usually older and retired, very often Christians or people of other faiths. This was a Christian organization, and the men in the group were all part of their feeding ministry and outreach, so I didn’t think anything of it when I first went in to teach the class. It started at 8am, and I had arrived early as I usually do to set up, but the head of the kitchen and the Director of Operations wanted to speak with me first, and I didn’t walk into the room until a little after eight o’clock. The men were all waiting for me – they’d had them waiting since 7:30, and so I started introducing myself as I set up and didn’t really take in the room until I turned around after my last poster was up on the wall. It  hadn’t occurred to me until that moment that not only were these all men, but they were from a much different background than my own. They were really big, tough guys, and here I was, this white girl from small town Massachusetts. I’d lived in New York for years by then, and I'd seen a lot in my time, but nothing like what they’d lived. I laughed about it with them later. We became such good friends – they were my brothers – and I still hear from some of them now. But in that first moment when I looked at them, all I could do was say a silent prayer, Lord, you sent me here, I need your help or this is not going to work. And he made it work beautifully. Somehow the connection was made, and they could listen and talk openly with me. They shared so much with me, we shared so much together.

A year and a half ago, on the anniversary of the day that I was born again, I started working with a group of women at a shelter. I knew the Lord had something special planned because of the day it started. When I was born again, I had been in a situation that nearly made me homeless, and but for the grace of God I wasn't. Starting with this group on the anniversary of the day that I started my new life was a reminder of how great His grace and mercy has been in my life. It was not easy all the time, there were some very serious challenges some of the women were dealing with, and in my own heart I wanted to do so much more for them. But God does not ask us to do more than we are able, He asks us to do what we are able, and in that offering we give of what we have, He multiplies it in a supernatural way that does much more than we ever could on our own.

On the day of the graduation for that group, we had one of the most delicious feasts I have ever had. Usually for our graduations we invite people to bring in foods that they have prepared to share with the group. For the eight weeks we’re together we make food together, but on the graduation they've invited to bring in something that they’ve made at home. But in a shelter, that’s not possible, so I discussed it with the women and the Coordinator, and we decided to invite the women come up with a menu and we’d make it together. The Coordinator got the budget approved, and I shopped for some of the more expensive things where I live because food is so much cheaper here. They had decided on a recipe for shrimp with whole wheat pasta and basil and lots of vegetables, with a big salad and yogurt parfaits for desert. We cooked it all on a hot plate and I don’t think I’ve ever had a better meal. We had a real party in a place that hadn't known many parties like that. Something special for this group of women who may not have had something special in a while. I’ll never forget one of the women who came up to get her certificate. She had been so quiet during the whole eight weeks, and had spoken to me after class a few times, so I knew that she was enjoying what she was learning, but I didn’t know much about her at all. When I called her name and she came up, as she stood beside me and I put my arm around her shoulder for a photograph, I felt her shaking like a small bird when they have fallen out of the nest and we pick them up in our hand and their hearts are beating so fast from fear that they almost can’t breathe. But she wasn’t shaking from fear, it was joy, a joy that could hardly be contained.

In John 21, Jesus has returned to see His disciples after He has risen from the dead. He meets them on the seashore as they are fishing. They have been out all night and have caught nothing, and He calls to them – they don’t know at first that it is Him – to tell them to cast the net on the other side. They do, and they catch so many fish that the nets almost can’t hold them all, and then they recognize that it is the Lord. When they come in to shore, Jesus has breakfast waiting for them, some roasted fish and bread, a delicious and unexpected feast. In verse 15, as they are enjoying the meal, Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me more than these?” Peter replies, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus says to him, “Feed my lambs.” He has this exchange three times with Peter, marking the three times that Peter denied Him on the early morning when He was taken prisoner by the Roman soldiers. Each time, Jesus says something slightly different, first “Feed My lambs,” then” Tend My sheep,” then “Feed My sheep,” and each time the question is the same, “Do you love me?” And Peter’s answer is of course I do, you know that I do.

In the group I was working with yesterday, I did a silly physical activity, something that I try to do with all of my groups if it’s possible. We always have a physical activity break, and in the first class I try to make it something really silly to get people laughing. This one is a sitting and standing game, I sing a song and every time they hear a word that begins with the letter "b" they sit and with the next "b" they stand and then sit and stand with every "b" they hear. Of course in the beginning the b’s are far apart, but then they just keep coming. When I finish the song, everyone is usually laughing, and I talk about how laughter is good for your health, and that physical activity can be fun, and I ask them to put their hands over their hearts and tell me what they feel. Usually people respond that their hearts are beating faster, and I talk with them about how that is considered moderate physical activity and then we talk about what their favorite physical activities are, walking, biking, gardening, whatever it is. We discuss the recommendations for adults, that we be physically active for 30 minutes most days of the week and that those 30 minutes can be broken up into smaller amounts of 10 minutes of time during the day. And that was how it went with this class, but at the end of the class, when I was packing up and people were leaving, a woman came over to me and told me how much she’d enjoyed it, and said, “When you said to put our hands on our hearts and say what we felt, I thought, ‘Happy.  I really felt happy.’” She was smiling too, a great big smile, and it made me think of that woman with her heart beating so fast out of joy.

It’s only God who can do that. I can teach a class with everything I know, but nothing will get through without His Spirit working through me. There are so many times that I get so very tired in the work that I do, so many times that things are going on that make me want to give up. But then I feel a heart that is beating for joy, I hear a woman who may have not felt happy in a long time tell me she is happy, I see a smile on a face that may not have been smiling before, and I know that I have to keep going.

I have been blessed so much with good food on my table, beautiful clothing from my favorite thrift stores, a lovely and peaceful home. And there are more blessings that He has given me and more that He has promised that are on the way. The question that He asks me, as I live in the abundance that He has brought into my life, is “Do you love me more than these?” He’s not asking me to give up the blessings, and He fully intends to shower me with more, but He is asking, “Do you love me more than these?” After all that He’s done for me, not just the material things He’s given, but the joy and peace He’s brought into my life, the freedom He’s given me from the life I used to live, the power to face down my giants and the strength to do all things through Him, my answer can only be, “Of course, you know I love you.” And then He says, very gently in the way He always does, “Feed My lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep.” After all He has done for me, I can't say no to that, and I don't want to. Because of the love I've experienced from Him, I want to share that love with others. And though on my own I can do very little, I know that if He asks me to do it, He'll make it possible.

Blessings,

Jannie Susan